Few events are more incomprehensible and profoundly disorienting than the loss of a child. In Hamilton: An American Musical, we bear witness to Alexander and Eliza Hamilton dealing with the death of their son, Phillip. In her grief, Eliza starts an orphanage, speaks out for abolitionism, and raises funds for the Washington Monument.
There are real-life Eliza Hamiltons walking among us, parents who have lost a child and had to learn to live with the unimaginable while creating new paths for healing for others. Nelba Marquez-Greene is one of those such women. On December 14, 2012, she lost her bright, vivacious daughter, Ana Grace in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. In the years since, this social justice warrior and outspoken advocate and her husband, Jimmy, started the Ana Grace Project to create opportunities for students through education and arts.
Ana Grace (Photo used with permission)
When this modern-day Eliza found the musical Hamilton, she heard lyrics that showed a deep understanding of grief, a show she has now attended 5 times and befriended star Mandy Gonzalez to support her Fearless Squad initiative. I recently spoke with Mrs. Marquez-Greene about what first drew her to the musical, the experience of witnessing “It’s Quiet Uptown”, and the amazing power of the theater community.
How did you first hear about Hamilton?
Hamilton was a phenom. Who DIDN’T know about it? But even though I knew of it, I didn’t want to fall in love or even open that door too widely because of access. I didn’t dream… I didn’t think I would ever see it. But it became unavoidable when I heard Brandon Victor Dixon recite one of the most powerful speeches of my life. It was just after the presidential election of 2016 and a very dark time for me. I remember waking up horrified at the thought of explaining to my son that love had not won. Shortly after, I watched the video of the speech on Twitter without breathing. I played it for my son. I played it for my husband. I just kept watching it. How he speaks. How the cast backs him and grasps each other hands. “We are the diverse America”. The words, the cast, the intention. It was courageous and it was powerful and it was bold and it was using your power and platform to speak truth.
So it was that moment of speaking truth to power that really pulled you into the Hamil-sphere?
Yes. Full stop. I have read there was a personal and professional cost to Mr. Dixon and other cast members for making and supporting that speech. Backlash on social media, threatened boycotts of the show… But their brave made me feel brave and that was what I needed in that moment, that is what we all needed. They were teaching us how to NOT be bystanders, find our voices, and not throw away our shot.
Can you talk about that experience of seeing the show for the first time?
The music theater world is this amazing community of big hearts. Through a friend and her connection with Broadway Cares/ Equity Fights AIDS, I was able to get three tickets. I can’t quite fully articulate the full emotional depth of seeing this production on stage for the first time, but I can tell you what it felt like to see myself represented on that stage. These beautiful black and brown hues of people playing presidents and folks I’d read about in history class! I didn’t know it would elicit THAT type of emotion from my spirit. The staging and the music and the EVERYTHING is so glorious!!! And the rapping! So much of it played homage to music I hadn’t heard since grade school but my ears still remembered. During “It’s Quiet Uptown”, my face covered in hot, salty tears. My throat hurting from holding the sobs back. My husband trying to hold me from shaking. And we were watching with our son. The boy who lived, who heard those same wails Eliza and Ham cried, from his mom and dad. It felt written by someone who understood grief on a deeply personal level, like we did. It didn’t sugarcoat it, it wasn’t exploitative, it wasn’t overly sappy. It was so real. We had moved uptown and were learning to live with the unimaginable. The things a couple has to learn to live with after child loss were openly displayed right there, laid out. And that is so rare. We are a “grief-averse” culture.
Nelba with her children Isaiah and Ana Grace (Photo used with permission)
I think part of what makes that song so powerful is that Angelica speaks for them because, in their grief, they cannot.
The beauty of Angelica? She shows up. When Eliza lays eyes on Hamilton? Angelica does the “right” thing. When Hamilton commits adultery? Angelica is there and picking up the pieces for her sister. When the couple loses a child? She shows up again. When Eliza sings after Hamilton has passed on, she says of her sister, “When I needed her most, she was right on time”. The show not only illustrates grief honestly, it models what is needed to survive. You need people to show up. Desperately so.
How has the show impacted you since then?
I couldn’t stop listening to the music and I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I literally drive my family nuts. And it inspired me to write. I have seen it now five times.
Another gift Hamilton gave me was meeting cast members. I mentioned earlier I met Mandy Gonzalez. She has a movement called “Fearless Squad” which is tens of thousands of young people strong now. She’s come to my community to talk about fearless squad and arts careers! How amazing is that? Through Mandy, I got turned on to In The Heights. The piece “Alabanza” where they mourn the loss of Abuela really struck me. I’m from Puerto Rico and we do these things called novenas and we have the body in the home for nine days of singing and prayer. That song brought me right back to when my own Abuelo died, this kind of chanting, this kind of understanding that there’s grief and there’s also a joy and we are vessels capable of holding both. And music helps with this.
Marquez-Greene with Mandy Gonzalez and Donald Webber on the set of Hamilton
And I met Donald Webber who speaks openly about his faith and I have watched him take great leaps through his career. He made it possible for one of our students to see the show with her mom! Meeting them, you get a small glimpse into how hard-working, talented, generous and deeply compassionate these actors are and it blows you away. We should be so thankful for the joy that the arts bring and the actors who share their gifts with us.
Even before all of my Hamilton obsession, Anika Noni Rose (Tony Award winning actress and Broadway star) lent her talents on my husband (Jimmy Greene’s) Grammy nominated album “Beautiful Life”. Anika does spoken work on a track called, “Little Voices”. I could cry thinking about all the love he put into that and the musicians who rose up to join him. In the wake of loss? Connection. Compassion.
They say there are three responses to trauma: fight, flight and sometimes freeze. But I would like to add one more, which many of us have chosen, and that’s “create”. It’s the “creating” that has allowed us to survive while we hold both.
When you say “hold both” do you mean grief and joy?
Both shows (In the Heights and Hamilton) depict loss as deeply painful and personal. And both shows inspire action and forward movement. In the barrio, the community uses Abuela’s memory to propel them forward. Eliza holds grief, pain and sorrow but also the action part. She raises funds in D.C .for the Washington Monument and she starts an orphanage. Often times people think if you’re grieving then you’re not doing. And conversely if you’re doing, then you’re not grieving. I think it’s possible to do both.
How did the Ana Grace Project begin?
I recognized the response to a very visible tragedy like Newtown was strong. A tsunami of support and help and empathy was poured out here, and deservedly so, but this is not where I grew up. There are children in many different types of communities globally but specifically in our nation where they are impacted by violence, they are impacted by trauma and there are limited dollars for support. So my husband and I wanted to create something that would honor our daughter’s life. When Ana died, The Ana Grace Project was born.
Why was it important to you to have music part of the Ana Grace Project?
My husband and I graduated from The Greater Hartford Academy of the Performing Arts. When Ana was murdered, the feeder elementary school was renamed after her. So there’s this school that exists called the CREC Ana Grace Academy of The Arts Elementary School. Isn’t that beautiful? We wanted to make sure that a dimension of The Ana Grace Project would include music and the arts. For so many kids, it is another pathway towards finding their voice, another pathway towards creating an identity, another pathway towards communicating with the world around them. At her school, every student is involved in dance and playing an instrument. Along with volunteers, we do yearly fundraising to help offset costs.
I think one of the reasons why theater attracts people to it is that it demands community, you have to work together to create, and we are living in a time when we don’t have enough communal experiences.
The Sunday after the mass execution at Sandy Hook School, when President Obama walked through the door, the first thing my husband said was, “We need to get back to finding the things that unify us or I’m deeply concerned that the divide will keep growing”. That was incredibly prophetic. What I have grown to love about theater/the arts is that it can be a unifying force.
How can people support your work?
The CREC Ana Grace Academy of the Arts Elementary School is always looking for donations of dance equipment and instruments. Rosin, new strings, tap shoes, reeds and dance outfits really add up. If your readers would like to make a donation to the school, they can do so here:
The CREC Ana Grace Academy of the Arts Elementary School
20 Security Drive
Avon, CT 06001
Attn: Patti Phelan, Principal
If you can’t donate, send our teachers and staff a letter of encouragement. Our academic and arts teachers are some of the most committed in the world. During the March for our Lives event in D.C. last year, I walked by a group of women who were holding up a drawing of my daughter. As I approached them I recognized one, a teacher at my daughter’s school. She drove all the way to D.C. with her mom and friends, to represent the little girl at whose school she teaches. A little girl who should still be here. A little girl whose hip-swaying, gorgeous-voiced self should still be here. They teach in her honor. They hold joy and loss together and create for kids still here. Our teachers are on our front lines every day and yet teaching is one of our most undervalued professions. It shouldn’t be this way- and we can all help!
Daughter Ana Grace, husband Jimmy, son Isaiah and Nelba (Photo used with permission)
